There was a small town, and gossip ran rampant. Just like any other town. After all, people are busybodies. Anyways. There was a bit of a hullaballoo about young Lucille, the baker's girl, a few months back. had a kid out of wedlock. Named him Timothy after his father, but no one calls him that. She keeps to herself mostly, so it was surprising to hear her name come up.

So, the other day, things got a bit hectic down in her neck of the woods.

Seems the boy had gotten into a mess. Kitchen was a nightmare to clean, and he needed a bath, desperately. So Lucille took him and filled a tub with water, setting him in. Well, kid was thirsty, quite naturally. I don't think she was expecting him to drink the bathwater, though. Eating the soap was also a shock. However, nothing seemed too odd until he started gumming the tub. Teething, poor thing.

Well, she panicked, thinking he was sick. He was her first child, after all. Who knows the kinds of things kids catch at that age? So she sent for the doctor. He came with his assistant, and the neighbor lady dropped by. You know, the one with the scaly handbag.

Doc insisted it was measles. The nurse begged to differ. Obviously, mumps. Just needed bed rest. The neighbor...well, she's a bit crass sometimes and opined that the doctor may have been dropped on his head as a child. The baby was fine.

From what I hear, things got heated, and Lucille's been arrested for assault charges, though the neighbor lady was paid handsomely. What disturbs me though, is that it's gotten around so quickly. I blame the magistrate. He asked for a brief summary of the events:

Spoiler:

Miss Lucy had a baby. She named him Tiny Tim. She put him in the bathtub To see if he could swim. He drank up all the water. He ate up all the soap. He tried to eat the bathtub But it wouldn't go down his throat. Miss Lucy called the doctor. Miss Lucy called the nurse. Miss Lucy called the lady With the alligator purse. Measles, said the doctor. Mumps, said the nurse. Nothing, said the lady With the alligator purse. Miss Lucy punched the doctor. Miss Lucy slapped the nurse. Miss Lucy paid the lady With the alligator purse. The police hurried over Arriving at the scene. Miss Lucy's gonna be in jail Till Timmy's seventeen.

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me.

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Perhaps there is something wrong with the Brain Tumbler. Or you could be insane, but we'll run tests on that later.